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Contemplative
Bush
A one-act play By Patricia Shillingburg © 2007 The Oval Office, White House, Washington DC. Wednesday, March 14, 2007. The President has just returned from a tour of South American countries. His approval rating is 29 percent. He is playing Solitaire on his computer when Karl Rove walks into the room. Pres: Turd Blossom, what a God awful trip. Couldn’t you think of any better torture. Rove: Water boarding? Pres: Seriously. A bunch of tin pot leaders, each wanting something from me. Sniffing up my ass. Bad food. Crowds burning me in effigy. Up too late. Interminable dinners. Long speeches. Glad handing. Only Spanish TV. Effete soccer. Lumpy beds. Bushie with her plastic smile. At least it’s adoring? All I wanted was the peace of Crawford. Rove: There will be no Crawford for a while, Mr. President. Maybe, for the duration. Pres: What do you mean? Rove: The troops are restless. Pres: In Iraq, the troops are restless? Rove: What I mean is that there is no rest for the weary, even you, Sir, as long as the public perceives that wounded soldiers are not being properly cared for. Pres: But, Turd, I took care of that last week. I appointed a commission. I said, take care of this. Fix it. So, I’ve done my part. Rove: The public doesn’t see it that way. And, with Bob Woodruff promoting his book and comparing his private care with that of the VA – and all the paper work that tries to eliminate as many claims as possible – the adversarial approach that Rumsfeld initiated -- the public blames you. Too many vacations and not enough attention to the details. You’re in the dog house. Pres: Hell, Turd, it’s not my fault! The Vice President enters the room. Pres: Hey, Vice. How you doing? Vice: Fine, George, just fine. How was your trip? Pres: Shitty. Boy Genius here will fill you in. Vice: We need to talk about Scooter’s pardon. It’s very important. The future of the Republican Party depends on it. Pres: I know, I know. Soon, later or much later. Vice: We have an obligation. He needs to know its coming. Pres: It’s coming. It’s coming. Soon, later or latest. Boy Genius has to figure out when. Vice: Karl, Scooter deserves our loyalty. He knows we were all conspiring to discredit Wilson. The President and I talked about it. We released secret documents to make our case. We got you and Scooter passing word to the press. Even Armitage got involved, though we didn’t tag him to do it. Scooter made stuff up and got caught. But, we don’t need him talking to get a deal from Fitzgerald. He’s got to keep his mouth shut. So far, he appears to be a sacrificial lamb. My guy fell to protect you guys. I don’t take this lightly. Rove: Tell him soon, later or latest. Vice: Hell, Karl, we have to do better than that. He’s twisting in the wind. Rove: There are issues to be resolved. It’s best to wait until after the 2008 election! Probably latest. Just before the next president is sworn in. Vice: Hell, Karl, we have got to do better than that. He will probably already be in jail. Rove: No, Mr. Vice President. His lawyers will keep him out until then. Vice: Good luck! Don’t count on that, Karl. Fix it! Rove: Not yet. Vice: George, we will talk about this privately. Pres: Sure, Vice. Pres: Boy, does David Brooks have his marching orders for Friday? Rove: Yes, sir. Like clock work, he always comes through. Vice: What’s this? Rove: Valerie Plame. She’s testifying on the Hill on Friday, and we need Brooks to debunk her on the News Hour. You know, his usual Friday night dismissal of the scandal, whatever it is. Old news, she wasn’t really covert. Special prosecutor found no crime. This is a swan song. That kind of stuff. Pres: Don’t we have anything new to slam her with? Rove: No, Sir. It’s, of course, not old news with Libby found guilty just last week, and she was covert until Novak’s piece, at our instigation. Damned if we didn’t know that she was covert. It’s a really big deal with the CIA. Lots of really serious training. Very expensive. Only a few agents get through it. Covert is covert forever. Seems she’d been abroad as a covert agent several times in the two years since her babies had been born. We need Brooks to dismiss her and the value of her story. Vice: Judith Miller used to be my mouthpiece on the New York Times. Better a reporter than an opinion writer, but Brooks is better than nothing. I understand he gets a lot of negative letters with almost every column he writes. The readers don’t buy him. I don’t either. Seems stupid to me. Slightly off-kilter on the party line. Rove: But what does it matter? He only angers nutty New York Times readers. They’re not our folks! Pres: We have to remember that “nutty” market is where a great deal of Republican money is. Rove: Yes, sir. But they read the Wall Street Journal, which always speaks for us. Vice: George, we will talk about this privately. Pres: Sure, Vice. Bob Gates says we have to close down Guantanamo and move the detainees into the Military Justice System. Guru agrees. They say the current situation is a huge stain on the integrity of the Country. Time to move on. Rove: It’s probably time, Sir. Vice: No. The Attorney General agrees with me. Pres: Thinking about it. Rove: We have a problem with major Al Quada detainees. The public’s response is a big yawn. They say “These guys were tortured. How can anyone believe anything they say.” They have no respect for the process. Disbelief. Confusion. This will do nothing for your numbers. Maybe make them worse. Vice: I’ll take care of this. Go on Tim Russert’s program this Sunday and whip terror in the land again. The public needs to be reminded. Rove: Won’t work this time, Mr. Vice President. Your numbers are worse than the President’s. You have no credibility. Vice: Not true! George, we will talk about this privately. Pres: Sure, Vice. What is all this with Fredo? Why am I not pleased? I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Vice: To be frank, you looked it. Rove: It seems the people who were sent up to the Hill representing Gonzales’ office to explain the firing of eight U.S Attorneys did so without all the facts. They said it was for bad performance. But, when their performance evaluations became public, that nulled that excuse. Noses on the Hill are out of joint. They sense they have been lied to. Republicans and Democrats alike. Your friend is in deep shit. Emails are flying out of Justice that imply political reasons. Harriet and I are both implicated. Not pretty stuff. Pres: But they serve at my pleasure! Rove: Yes, Sir. But it seems that it is highly unusual to fire prosecutors in the middle of a presidency, and certainly not seven, it was seven, all on the same day. Highly efficient, but not common. Sent up flags. Pres: Keep this away from the White House. Rove: Can’t, Sir. It’s too late. We are all over the emails. Pres: Shit. Well, you cannot testify. Executive privilege! Rove: We will try, Sir, but it could be rather messy. Smells like politics. Which it is. Politics is not supposed to get into justice. Vice: You may have to sacrifice Gonzales to the wolves. Pres: No. Fix it, Boy. It’s not my fault. Vice: George, we will talk about this privately. Pres: Sure, Vice. What’s this with Pace and homosexuals? Rove: He couldn’t keep his foot out of his mouth. Said that homosexuals and homosexual acts are immoral. More than half the country thinks that’s hogwash. The Christians say he speaks for them. The left is decrying the lose of perfectly good troops with the don’t ask, don’t tell business. Sixty odd people who speak Arabic, when we so desperately need them. To fill the ranks, we are now accepting criminals but not homosexuals. So, he stepped into deep shit. This reflects directly on you, Mr. President. Pres: This is not my fault. I only use the homosexual issue at election time. To galvanize our voters. Makes Christians salivate. Vice: Just some Christians. Pres: My Christians. Vice: Lynn goes ballistic on this one. Pres: Live with it! Jim Dobson stopped by today. In Washington to stir up trouble for that Sisik guy. Went on about the need to stress the moral rectitude of the Nation. Need to wage war against homos and same sex marriage, sex education, abortion, contraceptives. All for the sanctity of marriage. Actually threatened to withhold the vote of his followers from the Republican Party in 2008 if we do not pass specific legislation in the next year. Quite emphatic. Sounded like blackmail to me. Rove: It was. Pres: Have to think about it. Vice: George, we will talk about this privately. Pres: Sure, Vice. The Surge. Pace seems cautiously optimistic about that. Rove: The public is holding its breath. The Senate will vote on instituting a timetable this week. The Democrats will lose. But, it will be very close. Be prepared to lose this one in the end, Sir. Not this week. But, in a few months. Congress is very restive. Pres: But, I am the Decider. Don’t they get it? I decide, and they follow! I am tired of this Congress trying to tell me what to do. It’s like my daddy’s boys, Baker and Hamilton, telling me to talk to Iran and Syria. I don’t talk to people I don’t like. The Guru set me straight on that back in 2000. We don’t talk to the enemy. Diplomacy is for patsies. Only girls talk. Men fight. When I decide to bomb Iran, we will bomb Iran. I’m the Decider! Rove: Your generals may not allow you to do that. They have been burned. They are angry. Pres: Then I will fire them, one by one, until I find one who will do as I order! Rove: Mr. President, Congress will get wind of that. Trumpets will blare. Vice: We will talk about this privately. Pres: Sure, Vice. Rove: Al Gore is coming to Congress next week to talk about climate change. He’s coming like a knight on a white charger! Exploding. My energy contacts are asking you to take the lead, to set national policy. We need to step forward here. Pres: Not on my watch. I took the lead from Vice in 2001. That’s where I stand. Rove: We need to adjust. Pres: Adjust? I don’t adjust. Strength is in resolve. Rove: Maybe you should watch An Inconvenient Truth. Much of the nation has seen it. I gave a copy to Laura to share with you. Pres: No, I will not give Al Gore the satisfaction. He’s been prattling on about the environment for longer than I have been sober. I hate that guy. Such a goody two shoes. Such a shit. Rove: Mr. President, you cannot ignore the environment. Energy companies are demanding that you take the lead. Have Energy set a policy. Pres: Thinking about it. Vice: George, we will talk about this privately. Al Gore has control of this subject. We have to change that. Pres: Sure, Vice. Before I head off to Camp David on Friday, I need a briefing on New Orleans. Katrina keeps dogging me. Like a flea on the nose. Swat, swat, swat. It just doesn’t go away. I told people to fix it. Why isn’t it fixed. It’s not my fault. Rove: We’ll get a team in here tomorrow. Pres: Now, Boy Genius. I want to deal with this Bush Lies thing. I don’t lie. I never lie. But, my approval ratings are now at 29 percent. It seems that 71 percent of the nation thinks I lie. When I talk, they are not listening. This is a hell of a position for the President of the United States to be in. How will we get a Republican president elected in 2008 when I’m tanking. Continuing to tank. Rove: We’re working on it, Sir. But with so much controversy surfacing all over the God damned place, it’s a bit tough. Every day, it seems, there’s new shit. It started with the upsurge in Iraq after Mission Accomplished on the Lincoln, Rumsfeld running rough-shod over everyone, including the generals. But the shit really hit the fan after Katrina. We haven’t been able to get our footing since then. The past few weeks, it has been one punch in the gut after another. Pres: It’s those God damned Democrats. If it hadn’t been for that fairy in Florida, we would have won the midterms. It’s not my fault. Vice and Rove: No, Sir. Vice: George, we will talk privately. Pres: Of course, Vice. Lunch on Monday. Karl Rove and the Vice President leave the room and the President returns to his game of Solitaire. Lights dim. |